Come fly with me

What the fuck is wrong with airlines these days? Since the demise of Ansett, Qantas seems to think shitty customer service is something it doesn't have to address.

I was due to fly Sydney to Brisbane at midday today. I arrived at the T2 Sydney departures check in at 11:45 and the desk clerk told me I was in the wrong terminal. In the 3 minutes it took me to walk across to T3, the flight had closed so the clerk on that check in told me to go directly to my departure gate and see the desk staff there.

So I arrive and the desk clerk asks me (pay attention here, this is an important part of my whine) "Please wait while I announce boarding for this flight" and on the loudmouth she goes to announce the boarding for my flight. So I explain to her when she has finished that I am booked but not checked in to which she lifts her little chubby face and says "Can't help you. Flight's closed." That was it. Nothing else. Not even a trace of empathy. So I walk away shaking my head and a cleaner stops to ask me if I'm ok. I explain to him what happened and it was he who told me which counter to go to next to be put on the next flight. The dumb slut at check in couldn't be bothered offering me that information.

So, while I'm at Counter 13 getting re-scheduled, the guy at that counter tells me that despite the fact that no-one had boarded, the systems close down the flights 15 minutes prior to boarding. My question is, why couldn't they get someone with the appropriate delegation to OVERRIDE THE FUCKING SYSTEM???? Because like everything else at Qantas....that level of customer service is too much effort so you can basically go fuck yourself.

Had this been a one off occurrence I would be ok with it. However...let me tell you about VIRGIN BLUE. A couple of weeks ago I was again returning to Brisbane from Sydney on a 7am flight on a Sunday morning. As a result of my own stupidity I was lounging with a coffee at the apartment when I realised my clock still reads QLD TIME. So I run through the apartment throwing my shit into a bag while I'm on the phone ordering a cab. Get to the airport 10 mins after they close the flight and have to pay $50 to get on the next one.

Like I said, being late was my own fault and I wouldn't have worried about it had it not been for the fucked up service they offered me on the flight TO Sydney 3 days prior.

I arrived at Brisbane airport LONG before I had to be there, just to make sure I would have no trouble checking in. The flight was due to depart Brisbane at 2pm. An announcement is made at 1:50pm that the flight has been delayed by AN HOUR. Then, at 2:50pm a further announcement is made that the flight is now cancelled. So all the passengers waiting to board are shunted to check-in desk to be allocated alternate flights. They also made the HUUUUUUGE gesture of giving every passenger a ..... (wait for it).....(this is a cracker)....massive $6 lounge voucher! WOW! I could hardly believe my luck. Not only had I been sitting in the terminal for 3 hours already but I was also $30 in the red from all the coffee I had consumed whilst waiting for my flight. Ok, technically after that laughable gesture I was only $24 in the red.

But excuse me, they compensate me with a shitty $6 credit after fucking my day by 2 hours but I have to pay them $50 to get on a later flight even though they hadn't shut the fucking doors on my return flight. I only have carry on luggage so it's not like it has to go through cargo.

But the thing that grates me the most is the fact that there is not one pilot in Australia who can get a flight to its destination on time. What the fuck's up with that? Do you have to fail an intelligence test to become a pilot in this country?

I know you don't have to pass a sobriety test because when I was working the graveyard shift in the hotel industry, almost EVERY pilot who used our hotel would be on the piss until the wee hours of the morning that they had to fly out again. And I'm talking about consuming vast quantities of alcohol in the hotel bar until closing, the cleaning out the bar fridges in their rooms and THEN ordering more from room service when that ran out. I'd be delivering drinks to pilots rooms until 3am some nights and then watching them check out of the hotel at 6am for their 7:30am flights.

Bear that in mind next time you have to fly with Virgin Blue (Qantas pilots stayed at another hotel so I can't confirm the same behaviour for them).

And while I'm at it, what the fuck is up with the Brisbane Airport Corporation and it's bullshit no smoking signs all over the place? Here's a tip BAC. The rail platform for the airtrain is SOOOOO far from the actual terminal that it's not enforceable to ban smoking. So blow that out your asses next time one of your fat-ass, closet fag, toothless railway bitches tries to tell me I have to put a cigarette out on the platform.

Deciding I wasn't going to stay quiet, I decide to express my dissatisfaction on website "Not Good Enough.org" but the registration process prevents anyone from contributing if they use a web based email address such as hotmail or gmail. So I contact their admin team to ask why this is the case and the reply I receive is so patronising that I feel the need to complain about them too. Ofcourse, I understand the reasoning that web based email addresses are unacceptable to avoid individuals making multiple sledging entries against any one corporation etc but when you tell me that you "thank me for my pleasant email" (when we all know there was nothing pleasant about it) and that "We wish you well finding another service more suited to your needs and manner" you're going to get the reaction you want.

My MANNER? My manner is the way it is because you restrict people's contributions so actively. And then to hide behind the title "NGE Team" rather than using a signature block, that tells me everything I need to know about your willingness to identify yourself. Losers.

So that's the end of my bad week. I won't even talk about work or my social life. All I can say is, thank God I had a good time in Sydney or I'd probably have self combusted by now.